Wednesday, October 12, 2011

PREVIEW: Liverpool versus Manchester United

This weekend’s feature English Premier League match sees champions Manchester United take on their arch nemesis Liverpool at Anfield.

Instead of putting together a preview of this clash of the titans, I thought it would be easier...and far more enjoyable, to just post some of the online banter that has taken place over the past 72 hours between a group of United and Liverpool fanatics.

Some of the content has been edited for legal reasons, and all participants have been kept anonymous. Rest assured though, that these people are very real, and yet another example why the great sport of football delivers passion and lunacy in equal measure.

EDITORS NOTE: The editorial team – comprising of me – doesn’t condone the thoughts and ideas contained in the following email trail.



Feed your falcon and go wash your kaftan as it’s that time of year for Liverpool v ManUre.

Let the banter begin!!!!

Fifa 12 game....haven't lost yet to Manure Unidebt.

Fifa 12 is very accurate….good source material.






Go fu#k yourself.

Man Utd

Richest club in the world!!!!!

And here I am thinking they were Manchester UniDEBT.


Pools forever

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… it debt!

To some Manure is beauty....maggots in particular.


Debt GBP780million

Assets GBP2.6billion

Net value of the greatest club on earth GBP1.82billion (these are the facts)

Go and build a new stadium so more than 15 people can attend your games!

Well u better keep winning otherwise you won't be able to service those loans....pressure bad season and you're gone.

You just keep on playing with yourself mate...sorry, playing with FIFA 12. It's the only thing that'll put a smile on your face.

Seriously though, I don't even know why fans of the champions bother with this banter. We should be debating with Man City and Chelsea fans. You know, serious contenders for the championship. I guess this is the only thing that makes scousers feel relevant though. It's a shame we don't know any Villa or Everton fans, so that you guys could just bother them about who's going to get that all important Europa League spot.

Didn't know many Manure fans till you all popped up like mushrooms over the past 18 years or so whilst jumping onto your bandwagon of love....passion isn't unidebt fans best forte....once you start your slide into oblivion it'll be like "whatever happened to those Maggot unidebt fans?"

Liverpool fans are the real deal

"once you start your slide into oblivion..."

Well, scousers are the experts on that one!!!

Emulation is the key word

Rooney's said today regarding the game this weekend: "I will not be making any comments about my arrest for match-fixing until after Liverpool's 2-1 win over ManU."

The guy knows a thing or two!

Typical toffee that's why

Another maggot from another planet

such angry people. it must be from eating all of our manure

Well said



That's a very good point.

We should also remember the lyrics of that famous Scouser song, 'Fairy Across the Mersey', which points out the despair of living in Liverpool, particularly at the red end of the forlorn piece of real estate:

Life goes on day after day
Hearts torn in every way

So fairy 'cross the Mersey
'cause Kenny's the man they loathe

so in this mosque I'll pray

People they rush everywhere
Each with their own secret fear

So fairy 'cross the Mersey
and always take me there
The place others loathe

People around every corner
They seem to grimace and say
We don't care what your name is boy

as long as you bendover in the change room
We'll never turn you away

So I'll continue to say
Here I always will stay

So fairy 'cross the Mersey
'cause this land's the place they loathe

so here I'll pray (for even a baby Euro place)
and here I'll pray (for any piece of silverware)
Here I'll stay (stuck on 18 English titles)

There they'll stay ...

On which point THEY (scousers) claim Anfield is holy ground - but they're willing to abandon the Kop to sell a few more seats? WTF?






is it true Suarez' mom has been reported to the Disciplinary Committee by Sepp Blatter for not swallowing when negotiating his transfer to Scouser land?

Today's headline in 'The Sun':

King Kenny Kaught in Knicker-Knockoff Kaper

Apparently the story details rumours that he wears underwear stolen from Rooney's mum's washing line?

Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A drug mule

Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.

Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

I've just seen a preview online of tomorrow's 'Liverpool Express':

Gerrard gets off steroid charge

The FA has revealed an anonymous team-mate had dobbed Liverpool's great white hope, Steve Gerrard, as a drugs cheat. An investigation has cleared him after he revealed what he thought was a 'doctor' from Michael Jackson's medical team had treated him. He told investigators, 'I thought it was a big, hard suppository I had to endure every night' and I never did understand why we had to meet in a gay bath-house. After a payment of Euro One Million to a secret bank account thought to be controlled by Sepp Blatter the whole matter will be ignored by FIFA.

See, this is why I am happy the Cats won the AFL Final. Winners are grinners and last year every time a Collingwood supporter did so we were exposed to one and two tooth 'smiles' - it was like old photos from 19th Century Mental Asylums - or the average Anfield crowd

Some more words from your team song as sung by others:

Dirk Kuyt: 'It's lambs I love'

Your PR man: 'Lies go on day after day' (he started saying that about 1990)

Your #1 supporter (Mrs Mavis Stumphead): 'Our hearts torn out every way'

The Chairman to 'King Kenny': 'We don't care what your name is boy, next we're getting Avram (Oy!)'

And btw that must be a helluva c#ck in Liverpool's thr0at as you've been choking on it for 21 years!

Good Morning my football friends,

I am glad you all find NAME WITHHELD e-mail amusing, but just so you know the Falcon represents power and control, just like the great MANCHESTER UNITED team.........

As much as I respect everyone's view on this most important topic of football, I do have to comment on one thing that rears its ugly head once in a while and I do have to correct it............

We Manchester United fans who are on this correspondence have always been Manchester United fans, we never jumped on any band wagons, I was following this great team way back when we were languishing at the bottom of the table, struggling to stay on top!

Growing up in PLACE WITHHELD and going to High School, I was one of the only Manchester United fan, while everyone else followed the liverpool side......... So in saying that, those scouser supporters jumped on the band wagon because the scousers were winning back then and also the fact that WITHHELD is situated close to the city of Liverpool in the Sydney's southwest region, it was an obvious choice for the spastics of the south west to follow the scousers!

So in reality, those in the 80's both old enough to remember and those too young to remember when the scousers won the league, were all bandwagon bogan jumpers for the scouser side........ what hurts the scousers the most is that they cannot remember when they won the league last time!

NOTE: Please refer to the attachment of a true scouser fan wearing the correct jersey, a true bandwagon jumper! Also there is proof of other people included in this e-mail correspondence that followed other teams before jumping onto the scouser bandwagon!

Below is a little information to all of those who are continuing to talk up the game of rugby league, as much it is a great sport it is nowhere near as big or as great as the game of the true football, or what you bandwagon bogan jumping scousers call 'soccer'

What is the most popular sport in the world?

Football (soccer)

With over 3.5 billion fans worldwide, football ("soccer") is the most popular sport on the planet. It always ranks at the top of the majority of the credible lists published....

Usually, popularity is measured based on the "number of viewers/fans". Here are the top 3:
• Football (soccer) is the most popular overall
• Tennis is the most popular "individual" sport (no team required)
• Golf is the most popular "solo" sport (can be played alone).

"Most popular" could mean "most watched," "most played," or "most revenue-generating." Based on the variable definition of "most popular" the following observations apply:

  • The most played sport, not just watched, in the world is also football (Soccer).
  • Based on the number and size of stadiums around the world, the number of people who wear football (Soccer) merchandise, the number of people who are aware of football, and the number of leagues/tournaments worldwide (The World Cup, UEFA Champions League, The South American Cup, The American Cup, The Asian Cup, 70 English league teams, 40 Italian league teams, 40 Spanish league teams) football ranks at the top of the list regardless of the definition of "most popular."
  • Manchester United is the most popular sports team and the biggest sport franchise on the planet. It has over 450 million fans all around the world. Its estimated value is $1.9 billion in value, which well exceeds that of the Dallas Cowboys and Real Madrid.

Have a wonderful day, remember to watch the SERBIA game tonight!

Love & Peace


AND - I was a ManU fan in 1974 when we were demoted, so none of these Scousers can question my allegiance. We came back up the next season and began building towards the world-shaking event that occurred on 6 November 1986 - meaning his quarter-century will tick up in just under a month. And woe has been Liverpool's lot pretty much since that day - to state the bleeding obvious Manchester United FC have won 12 Premierships since Sir Alex came on board - Liverpool won 2 during that reign, and the last one of those was ... wait for it ... sometime last century ... checking the Internet, oh here it is 1989-90!


New york yankees are the most valuable sporting club in the world and the most recognised brand on earth.

As for manure unidebt? There is more dirt on earth than gold my friend but it doesn't make it better.

Liverpool forever and your theory of us jumping on the bandwagons is a load of crap I'm 43 and many younger than I are fanatical even though the kids of today didn't have much to cheer about, unlike your pathetic new kids on the block.

Stick ur head back into the sand

Took yas long enough to catch up didn't it. What Manure unidebt took 120 or so years to achieve we did in 80 or so.

Either way our time is coming

You missed a vital statistic ... Currently the most played sport is ‘annoying people with REPLY ALL emails’ the 2nd is ‘annoying people with REPLY ALL emails about ManU Scum’

Appreciate being removed, cheers :)

F@ck me NAME WITHHELD are you writing Lord of the Rings novel?

BTW the falcon represents Man City doesn't it?

My dear old Friend,

Many times we have had a drink, laughed, discussed topics that no one understood, and as someone who is older and looked after me when i was working around town, I do respect what you have to say, even though most of it is verbal diarrhea!

The scousers were winning in the late 70's and 80's, so hence the supporter base in Sydney...........

It is OK to hate us, I understand your pain my dear friend........
I mean imagine not winning the league in over 20 years and yet talk like you have won it last season, Imagine having your hopes lifted every time a new person joins the scousers and the talk of winning begins before the season begins, and then early on in the season you know that you have no chance in hell to win anything again!
I cannot fathom the pain and suffering you are all going through........ your pain and suffering is in my thoughts and I will always remember it!............. I do remember the days of the scousers giving me shit throughout the 80's and my only saving grace was the mighty Parramatta side, so that is why i respect the game of rugby league! So pay back with football is a bitch!

I do not care what they say about you, you are OK in my books! Three cheers for you!

Love and Peace my friend!

St George have won I'm happy, as for Liverpool? They are still the most well known club on the planet, its theory that unidebt thinks they are.

I'll continue to cradle you in my thoughts my dear mate.

In a weird way that is the way you tell me that you love me!

Thank you mate!

Depends buddy depends, I do miss your fuzziness

Too all the Serbs on this email from a Gunners supporter…… should have all jumped ship back in the mid 80’s one of Serbia’s greatest players VLADOMIR PETROVIC (aka PIZON) was recruited to Arsenal. Back then like many of you, I supported Liverpool or was it Man U (can’t recall) but my patriotic duty was clear.

It’s amazing how a cheeky little email from an intelligent Gunners fan results in the mindless but entertaining experience we have all enjoyed today (luv ur work).

Greetings from Adelaide!


Do people actually live there?
Anyway to the north london supporter who has decided to share his thoughts and views, if your theory is correct you should be following the mighty MANCHESTER UNITED.............. So considering your patriotic duty is to Serbia, do not reply to any more e-mails or comment until you admit that you follow MANCHESTER UNITED!

Thank you Adelaide..........

PS. can anyone tell me is that the place where people are born with two heads?

Thought I'd include a toffee fan, they are equal to unidebt in shitdom

The Gunners have supporters? That's a new one. How do you feel about a manager who hasnt won you a single trophy in seven years despite spending the Gross National Product of France on the squad?

manure unidebt = jedinstvo bratsvo jedinstvo my dear friend...Liverpool is it.

.............................fell asleep on the ...button

No, that's Tassie - what they do in Adelaide is cut off heads and put people in barrels, and other forms of weird sex killings masquerading as serial killers

Who farted?
















Here is one of my favourite chants…..ji sung park and the scousers!

Park, Park, Wherever You May Be.

You Eat Dogs In Your Home Country.

Could Be Worse,

Could Be Scouse.

Eating Rats In Your Council House.

First Serb to ever play in England – Nikola Jovanovic

Build a bonfire build a bonfire

Put the scousers on the top

Put the city in the middle

And we'll burn the fuckin lot

And NAME WITHHELD...what fear? I AM a Liverpool supporter, what’s more scary than that! Also the last time I had to drag you out to watch a ManU game and you didn’t even watch the screen. Are you really a ManU fan or just a ManU whinger?

Hey – Welcome back.

Let me get you up to speed.

1. NAME WITHHELD was molested

2. NAME WITHHELDis drunk and singing to himself

3. NAME WITHHELD torn between Livo & Manu


5. NAME WITHHELD is shitting himself about the rugby…(All Blacks supporter)

6. I like cats

7. And someone farted


Good Evening people of football land,

Thank you NAME WITHHELD for updating the lady they call RED........... aka "NAME WITHHELD"......... aka "Football Lesbian" ...........aka.......... do you really want me to continue?

Anyway RED you didn't drag me out to watch the game, we both had a leisurely dinner at the pub and shared a meal (because that's how we roll) and to make you feel comfortable I didn't want to point out the fact that the great MAN UTD was playing as you get really agitated and angry.

Now, I do to welcome you back to the fold as you have been missing in action for far too long, for someone like you who has a vast knowledge on sports it would be a travesty not to include you, so admit it you love the banter!

NAME WITHHELD seems to have left out certain points to really keep you up to speed on what's really going on, they are;

  1. NAME WITHHELD earned the nick name because he wears Ed Hardy shirts and gets refused from nightclubs
  2. NAME WITHHELD was also molested by his dog "sooky" but used him to identify the places he was touched
  3. NAME WITHHELD is shitting himself, but the fact is the mighty All Blacks will beat the cheating Aussies, so he is really being over cautious! I think it would be great to see either Wales or France take out the title..............
  4. NAME WITHHELD (I know you don't know him) is a true MAN UTD supporter, he just likes to tease the scousers to get their hopes up, because as you know when anybody joins the scousers they think they will win the season, so it's a joke we MAN UTD fans like to play on the scousers
  5. NAME WITHHELD is shrouded in controversy wrapped up in an enigma........... he might seem drunk, but when you constantly keep winning people who oppose you think that you are drunk, but all it is is pure JOY!
  6. NAME WITHHELD is a character of epic proportions, a man you need to meet at least once in your life....... he tends to exaggerate about the St George Illawara Dragons/ Steelers, he also is a scouser supporter, he jumped on their bandwagon in the 70's when they were winning all the way up to the 80's....... actually he is the only living man in OZ that can actually remember when they won the title last....... He also loves to drink Chivas!
  7. NAME WITHHELD was a big fan of Leeds Utd, YES can you believe it, he followed them because of Harry "I wish I played for England) Kewell. There are photos of NAME WITHHELD with the Leeds jersey in Thailand in 1999/2000. He followed Liverpool when Harry "I wish I played for England" Kewell moved there, so in theory he should now follow Galatasaray or is that now Melbourne "Mexico" Victory! NOTE: Kewell also has a British passport through his father's heritage
  8. Yes, someone did fart, but we’re still investigating who the culprit was...... my bet it was "sooky" NAME WITHHELD pet dog, Yes the same dog that touched NAME WITHHELD!
  9. NAME WITHHELD only loves cats for one reason, but I cannot mention it as there are children reading this!
  10. NAME WITHHELD is actually XIAN the preying mantas who is an expert in Bikram Yoga and loves to chat hare Krishna mantras
  11. NAME WITHHELD wears MAN UTD Jerseys because he loves MAN UTD and his favourite player is Trajcevski........ that's NAME WITHHELD, the famous Bulgarian striker....... (Sorry I had to throw that in)

peace & love

I object your honour!

What Leeds? Where Leeds?

If it pleases the court I put it to my learned friend that he submit the evidence or we instruct the jury to disregard these false allegations. They are unwarranted and hearsay.

I would like to submit the following picture as exhibit one for no apparent reason…..

man u will need all the money they can muster up once the ITEM CENSORED cases come out - they will go down! simply hope vidic sees the light to disassociate himself from the filth!

just to let everyone know...that I have renounced the filth that is Liverpool and have been fully converted to the mighty & untouchable true legends...yes I have finally seen the light and the brightness is MANCHESTER UNITED!!!!! The TRUE REDS...that's it...I finally feel clean!

Oh dear, a ManU friend has tried to stitch me up... NAME WITHHELD will be shaking his hand later...

Apologies boys it's seems they're all dirty ManuU cheats. Liverpool till I die ;)


I will never accept your retraction RED................. I am however accepting your renouncement of the "filth that is scousers", quote unquote!................. SO your renouncement of the filth made me cry out of joy! Thank you RED for making my day!

You Rock........... You are MAN UTD.......... be MAN UTD............ It is a wonderful feeling being a winner!

I do understand that being an original "westie", that you automatically follow liverpool, but it doesn't have to be!

To all those yet to convert, just so you know you are not alone, it can be done, RED has shown you the way!

Cross the threshold my friends and leave the dirty scum of scouser-ville.................. cross over to the good side!


So here we go:

A team that cannot even qualify for the Baby League in Europe think they deserve more of the EPL TV revenue. Misplaced arrogance again? Yep. Or maybe you have to pay off YOUR American owners.

Get real Scouserville:

What this means its liverpool are the only smart ones to think of it.

We are sick if making the rest if you look good.

Show us the money

You make us look good by dropping points all over the program and ending up MUCH lower than us on the Table - that, we appreciate

Show you the're kidding right?!?! Dumb asses will probably blow another 35 mill on a clogger like Andy Carroll. Giving you guys money is like putting a Picasso in a housing commission flat. Absolute f#cking waste

Now, see - that's what you call sensible input. Second the motion!

Our owners know exactly what they are doing. Best operators in sport, give them a few years to make their mark.

We dont have a unidebt like manure.

You put your contract in,

Your contract out,

In, Out, In, Out, Shake it all about,

You do the Steven Gerrard and you f**k your badge,

And thats what it’s all about.

I love the songs!


1 comment:

  1. i heard that "Sir" Alex ferguson chews chewing gum constantly because he was knighted the same time "sir" elton john was..... and so now he is constantly harassed with images of his "services" he provided that afternoon for his honorable title.. hence why a constant refreshed mouth is necessary and from time to time the ol' toothpick is there too for the hair stuck in his porcelain mouth....