Monday, July 9, 2012

Racism on trial

The most divisive race related incident in English sports will face public scrutiny during the much anticipated trial featuring John Terry and Anton Ferdinand. Not since the BC era, when young whippersnapper David called Goliath a Philistine, has racism been this high on the national agenda.

The Terry / Ferdinand trial has been hanging over English football like a nuclear cloud. It was the catalyst for a series of events that rippled through the Football Association including Terry being stripped of the captaincy, Fabio Capello’s premature resignation, Anton’s brother Rio’s omission from the Euro squad, and Roy Hodgson’s inability to correctly pronounce the letter R. It also threatened to drive a wedge in the England camp, derailing their Euro campaign. Fortunately for both Terry and Ferdinand the English team featured a cast of average plodders, so both can rest easy knowing their effect on a poor Euro performance was minimal at best.

When official proceedings commenced the magistrate heard shocking evidence that has the capacity to ruin a promising career and tear a young family apart.

John Terry took the stand, raised his right hand straight and high, and swore under oath that Anton Ferdinand taunted him with racial abuse, calling him ‘whitey’ and ‘a cracker’. So distraught was Terry by the unprovoked verbal onslaught he was unable to continue reading the political biography he was enjoying ‘Mein Kampf’.

“It came out of nowhere Your Honour,” said Terry. “I was halfway through chapter 11: Nation and Race, when I heard that young gentleman calling me names. I was so upset Your Honour I had to leave immediately. I asked Michael Essien to bring my car around right away. John Obi Mikel didn’t even get a chance to finish cleaning my shoes.”

The court was advised that Terry was so traumatized by the incident he was unable to attend his regular gentleman’s club meeting that same evening, relinquishing his opportunity to be promoted to the rank of Grand Wizard.

“It was dreadful Your Honour,” continued Terry. “I’ve been an upstanding local citizen, exemplary teammate and a role model for my children. When Wayne Bridge was having relationship issues I made sure I was there to comfort his wife. I sympathized with American tourists after the September 11 terrorist attack. I respect authority, in particular private security guards, and support the right for disabled people to have their own parking spaces.”

Under heated cross-examination Terry admitted that the psychological scarring had a negative effect on his capacity to enjoy success. A humble person at heart, Terry declared he was unable to truly enjoy Chelsea’s amazing victory in the European Champions League final, leaving his teammates to take pleasure in the moment while he withdrew from the spotlight.

Terry also disclosed that his family and friends were feeling the strain from the ongoing saga. The court heard that Terry’s son Georgie John was forced to abandon the special father and son project for his carpentry class.

“Georgie John asked me to help him with some schoolwork. Naturally I agreed. We were working on making a giant wooden cross. We were going to celebrate when it was finished by heading over to Florent Malouda’s house to burn it in his front yard. But I haven‘t been able to concentrate on anything other than this trial. I desperately want to clear my name. I haven’t even been able to clean my white sheets!!!”

The trial continues tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. Al - Follow @danroan on Twitter for live updates from the courtoom