Thursday, July 19, 2012

Saving Nathan Hindmarsh

This is an open plea to John Grant, Roy Spagnolo, club chairman, coaches, Eels fans and all footy fans to save Nathan Hindmarsh.

The Eels used to be a club in disarray. Now, after the sacking of Stephen Kearney, they are an absolute laughing stock, second only to the New York Knicks as the worst managed club in world sports (maybe).  

SIDENOTE: Personally I don’t think Kearney is the problem. The second coming of Christ couldn’t coach this rabble of a team to success.

Nathan Hindmarsh has made more tackles for the Eels, NSW and Australia than the Spanish Influenza took lives. He’s run more miles than Burke and Wills, and he’s got more crack than the Grand Canyon. If you look at his body of work it can be argued that he’s the greatest Eel of all time. I know he doesn’t have four premierships like Sterlo, Bert, Guru, Crow, Zip Zip and Mr. Perpetual Motion…but he didn’t have teammates like that either. He’s just unlucky he wasn’t conceived in 60’s instead of the 70’s. For this we have to lay blame on Mr. and Mrs. Hindmarsh.

However we can’t fault the genetics. Whatever mix of X and Y chromosomes came together that romantic evening in 1979, scientists need to bottle it and start making replicas. Nathan’s not built like Michalangelo’s David, but he’s got an arse the size of Phar Lap and within is a big block, natural aspirated, heavy horsepower engine that seems to have no expiry date.

Just look at these stats (courtesy of our good friends at Wikipedia):

  • NRL Career: 313 games (As of 21 April 2012) 1998–present
  • Parramatta Career: 313 games (Most First Grade games played for Parramatta) 1998–present
  • Average Tackle Count – 49.91 (2011)
  • First player in NRL history to achieve 10,000 tackles
  • Third player in NRL history and first Parramatta player to pass 30,000 running, attacking metres

  • 17 games for NSW 2001–10;
  • 23 Tests for Australia 2000–09;
  • World Cup 2000, Tri-Nations 2004, Tri-Nations 2006, Four Nations 2009
  • Prime Ministers XIII 2005, 2008, 2011(Captain)

  • Provan Summons medal: (fan's choice for player of the year) 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2011
  • Dally M Second Rower of Year: 2001, 2004, 2005, 2006
  • International Forward of the Year: 2004
F#cken WOW!

Plus, he’s also a great guy to boot. I don’t know him personally, but he named his sons Archie, Buster and Rowdie!!! Seriously. You just know that a guy who can bestow dogs name on his kids is a heck of a fella. We should all buy him a beer just for that.

Canvass every active player in the league and I guarantee they’ll all agree to a man that Hindy deserves a premiership before he retires more than anyone else in the game. He is universally respected across the board, which is something very few footy players can claim.

To John Grant, I beg you kind sir. Please use this newly created Independent Commission to invent some new loophole which will allow Hindmarsh to walk away from the Eels this late in the season and join a contender without salary cap implications.

To Roy Spagnolo, release him from the hell that has become the Parramatta Eels. I know it’s not in the clubs interests…not that you seem to be motivated by the clubs best interests…but look deep within that black heart of yours and find some compassion for one of the greatest clubmen in the history of the game.

To rival GM’s and coaches. Pick up the phone and contact the Eels. The phone number is (02) 8843 0300. Put in a bid to buy out his contract effective immediately. Heck, I’m so distraught by the prospect of Hindy going winless that I’d even cop the Dogs buying him and winning the premiership this year.

Hang on, let me give that last idea some more thought. I’m very emotional right now.

To opposing players next time you face up against Nathan, just shake his hand and say ‘sorry mate, wish you were here.’ It might seem like an empty gesture, but he needs all the support he can get right now.

To fans across the nation, contact your team and tell them you want Hindy in your club colours.

And to all the fans out there in cyberspace, post thousands of comments of support on this site to show the world that we all want Hindmarsh to be saved!

I don’t care about the efforts to save the endangered left handed bi-sexual Panda from the northern Chinese province of Shanxi. We need to focus all of our positive thoughts and energy into saving Nathan Hindmarsh.

My fear, more than Hindmarsh retiring without ever experiencing a lap of honour on Grand Final day, is the realistic prospect of Nathan going on a violent rampage like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. And whilst I’d love to see Hindy blow of some steam by directing an eight punch combination at the Eels board, it’s not how he deserves to go down.

Let’s all get together.

Let’s save Nathan Hindmarsh.

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